MORE ARMS THAN LEGS!
BY: ALEKSANDAR MEDENICA
“There I was,” the handyman says to all
of his buddies on their coffee brake, “just minding my own business, walking
the streets of Philly. Out of no where, this thing, popped out and
me, and spit some kind of goop at my face, it was really disgusting,
but I didn't have time to see what it was, so I just whipped the
stuff off of my face, and ran as fast as I could! As soon as I came home I
asked my wife if she knew what it was, she had no clue!” the handyman
continues, “So I decided to take it to my buddy who was a biologist,” “WHAT DID
HE SAY?” yelled one of the other workers, “Relax man, I am not finished yet. So
as I was waiting to see what the goop was, I started to feel some pain on the
right side of the rib cage. I didn’t know what it was at the time, “maybe it
was just a cramp,” I thought to myself. Anyways, as soon as my friend got out
of his office, he told me,”
DIALOGUE BETWEEN HANDYMAN AND
DOCTOR:
Doc - “This, my friend, is some serious
toxic waste!
Handyman – “You mean the stuff that can kill
you?”
Doc – “No the stuff that makes you happy!
Ofcorse the stuff that can kill you, your lucky you didn’t die because of
coming in contact with it!”
Handyman – “Ok Doc, enough of your sarcasm, what
is this ‘Hazardous wastes’ you are talking about?”
Doc - “Hazardous wastes are poisonous
byproducts of manufacturing, farming, city septic systems, construction,
automotive garages, laboratories, hospitals, and other industries. The waste
may be liquid, solid, or sludge and contain chemicals, heavy metals, radiation,
dangerous pathogens, or other toxins. Even households generate hazardous waste
from items such as batteries, used computer equipment, and leftover paints or
pesticides.
Handyman- “English Doc, put it in
English,”
Doc – “Ok, in simpler words,
the waste can harm humans, animals, and plants if they encounter these toxins
buried in the ground, in stream runoff, in groundwater that supplies drinking
water, or in floodwaters, as happened after Hurricane Katrina. Some toxins,
such as mercury, persist in the environment and accumulate. Humans or
animals often absorb them when they eat fish.”
Handyman – “Ok, so I am just gonna
take it as its bad, but I don’t have any side effects?”
Doc – “Not yet you don’t”
Handyman – “What’s that suppose to
mean?”
Doc – “Well, I am sure that
you will have some side effects soon, but I don’t know when or what they would
be.”
Handyman – “Thanks Doc, ill talk to
you later!”
Doc – “Call me if you have
any side effects!”
BACK TO DIALOGUE
BETWEEN THE HANDY MAN AND HIS FRIENDS
“And that’s how I knew, that
I was going to get this third hand of mine!”, one of the workers call out, “But,
how did you know you were going to get an extra hand?” “I didn’t, the fun part
was trying to figure out what was going to happen to me,” he said with a smile,
“How did you figure it out?” another worker said, “I never did, until it
happened to me one night.” “What happened?” another worker said anxiously,
“Well, do you really wanna know?” They all nodded their heads, “Ok, well it was
a normal Sunday evening, just chilling at my house with the wife and kids, one
son, one daughter. We went out for dinner at a restaurant, near by our house,
but when we came back something looked different about the house, someone had
been their,” he said with mysteriousness in his eyes, “I told the family to
stay in the car while I inspected the place,” he backed away from the table,
but continued to speak, “as I opened the front door, I noticed some movement in
the house from the window, as soon as I opened the door, I flicked on the
light, and, SURPRISE!!!!!! I had totally forgot it was my birthday, and just
out of nowhere, everyone jumped out from underneath everything! A person next
to me nocked over the China on the table by the front door and out of instinct you
have to grab it, but I didn’t grab it with my two hands, an arm popped out the
side of my body and grabbed the China before hitting the ground.” The guys
looked at each other. “After that I went…” The announcer interrupted him, “Lunch
brake over! GET BACK TO WORK!” “Well, another time guys,” everyone walked off
all sad that he couldn’t finish his fantastic story.
THE END! TO BE CONTINUED!!!
